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My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”