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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you