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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden