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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.