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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
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You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?