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I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!