Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.