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I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
awesome collection!
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!