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If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.