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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.