Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.