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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…