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There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?