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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
When in doubt, take a nap.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.