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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.