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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."