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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
I believe in love at first episode.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?