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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.