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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.