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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Haters are my motivators(:
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
The older I get the better I used to be.
Some people should come with subtitles.