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"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside