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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window