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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?