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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.