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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point