Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.