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Most problems can be solved with nudity
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)