Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.