Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.