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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.