Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)