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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!