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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."