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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.