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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I need a partner in wine.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."