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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.