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"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Being an American is awesome. The end.