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I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.