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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss