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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Youth is wasted on the young.