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Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That