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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.