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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.