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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
If you can’t face it, moon it.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.