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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.