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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."