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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.