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When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.