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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like Iād be pretty good at that.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.