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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Marriage tip: Don`t
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)