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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.