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like this if you are against animal cruelty
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?