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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...