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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
i like boobs
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.